Cheryl Cole gets a taste of the sack


Cheryl Cole today received a taste of the sack, only this time it was not that of  music mogul Simon Cowell. Who had helped engineer her transition from the girl you’d stay clear of in a night club to the woman successful enough for footballers to want to marry and then cheat on. Cheryl Cole’s American dream ended rather prematurely as TV bosses axed her from the American X-Factor after realizing that her Geordie twang is inaudible to anyone south of Tyne-side, let alone any Americans. Perhaps this is a good thing, as now she may be welcomed back with open arms to the British version of the show. Let’s not forget the prestigious talent she has discovered and nurtured in Britain. Who can forget Alexandra Burke; Britain’s answer to Beyoncé (after a few beers) or Joe McElderry who’s hit single, ‘The Climb’ was followed, almost immediately, by the fall.

Apparently, Nicole Scherzinger is rumored to be taking over the position initially held by Cole. This demonstrates quite a change in strategy for the X-Factor; using the only technically-able singer in, ‘The Pussy Cat Dolls’ to replace the only non-technically able singer in, ‘Girls Aloud’. American fans of the show are surely rejoicing at this change. Not only might they be spared the likes of Cher Lloyd and other similar, instantly dis-likable, so-called prodigies chosen by Cole. But Scherzinger has much sexier friends, in the rest of, ‘The Pussy Cat Dolls’ than Will.I.Am, resulting in the portion of the show in the judges houses being far more watchable – with the TV on mute of course.

Cole is said to be devastated about the whole thing, although I am sure not as devastated as I am, knowing that the British X-Factor won’t include Scherzinger but might include Cole.

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The O’Bama’s


‘Obama’s Visit May Have Been Worth $200 Million to Ireland’

According to TIME magazine, ‘Obama’s Visit May Have Been Worth $200 Million to Ireland’. Now I knew Ireland, especially Dublin, made London look cheap but that’s incredible; that is one fucking expensive pint of Guinness. Luckily for the Queen, Gin doesn’t quite fetch the same price over there. My immediate thought was that it was a well-deserved pint after the clinical success of the mission that saw the end of the Al Qaeda figurehead, Osama Bin Laden in early March and especially as he was generating a massive amount of revenue for a struggling Euro nation. However, Obama may get incredibly drunk in sampling the various European beers in order to rescue the rest of the Euro-zone. Although I’ve heard Sagres and Fix aren’t a patch on Vitamin G(uinness).

Obama’s Cadillac is nicknamed, “The Beast” it is bomb-proof, bullet-proof and probably the most protected vehicle in existence. Yet it was single-handedly defeated by… a ramp.  Forget suicide bombers, Ireland may well have inadvertently demonstrated to global terrorism, the cheapest and easiest way yet of stopping America; if one ramp can stop, “The Beast”, a series of strategically deployed ramps could ground the whole of the U.S. to a halt.

Now Obama has ditched the apostrophe and traveled to London to visit the Queen and the Cameron’s. However this was Michelle’s turn to help out. She delivered a motivational speech to a group of public school girls, about how she had, had a similar upbringing and education yet still made it big. Girls everywhere can now find comfort in the fact that they too, can make it big, as long as they all marry the future president of the United States.

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