Germany’s Bean-Sprouting Lies About Spanish Cucumbers


The recent E.coli outbreak has left 24 dead, 2,400 hospitalized and has cost Spanish farmers a massive 225 million Euros a week. Worst of all, the outbreak did not even originate in Spain despite German claims. Authorities initially considered the Spanish cucumber harvest to be the origin of the recent health-scare. Despite protests from Spanish farmers, the  accusations had a significant knock-on effect, as many Europeans avoided Spanish produce.

The Spanish are now calling for reparations to recompense for their significant losses during this period. Germany are somewhat familiar with the notion of reparations; however more in the context of Versailles than vegetables. Germany are being threatened with court action if a compensatory settlement cannot be reached. They also face a court battle on several fronts; with no Schlieffen plan to combat this issue they could potentially owe not only Spain money, but Holland and Sweden too. Who knows, Britain could make it a full-scale vegetable World War recreation if E.coli related deaths increase in the UK. But more importantly as, Spanish delegate Francisco Sosa-Wagner, stated, “We need to restore the honour of the cucumber.” (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-13683270)

According to, The Telegraph, “bean sprouts have been responsible for well over 40 food borne illnesses around the world caused by either E.coli or Salmonella bacteria in the last 35 years or so”. Not only are they constantly being mistaken (and not in a good way, but a disappointing way) for noodles in Chinese food but they truly are the vector vegetable; spreading the deadly bacterium, as a mosquito spreads malaria.

Beware the conniving, disease-ridden, German bean-sprout but drop your prejudices concerning the humble, stoic and and all-round respectable cucumber.

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Bahrain, Too Soon…


This seasons Formula One Grand Prix in Bahrain was postponed earlier this year due to the uprisings against King  Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa. Bahrain’s uprising was particularly violent with troops firing quite relentlessly on the demonstrators, who are rising up against the autocratic and monarchical system within the country. With a wave of rebellion spreading across the Middle East, Bahrain too sought out some form of democratization through political and constitutional concession. In February, demonstrators gathered at the Pearl Roundabout, calling for the end of the monarchy. The response from King Hamad however, was to use the royal army to massacre the protesters.

King Hamad has yet to concede power and the issues are unresolved. Problems are still quite apparent in Bahrain and rioting still prevalent, yet Bernie Ecclestone, President of Formula One Management, has today declared that the Bahrain Grand Prix will go ahead in October. Bernie must be hoping his crystal ball is on top form as belligerence between the army and the demonstrators shows little sign of relenting. With the Middle East and parts of North Africa seeming rather volatile at present, it seems a strange decision to take the risk in holding a Grand Prix in a state that has openly slaughtered innocents. However the FIA and the Formula One teams, especially Ferrari, face losing revenue to the sum of millions if they were to cancel. Ecclestone has strongly rejected claims that this rescheduling is about money.

With the riotous situation in Bahrain it seems rather a risky venture for Formula One. Touring sport has faced problems before within troubled nations. Most notably, England’s cricket team have refused to play in Zimbabwe due to a fear for the teams safety in the failed state under the Mugabe regime. Unless the trouble in Bahrain is resolved before October, then the Grand Prix could potentially put the drivers, mechanics,  journalists, and fans at risk. It will be interesting to see how the teams respond to this news and whether they go ahead with the race.

Potentially, the Grand Prix could create a unifying event to soothe tensions in the nation. But the merciless approach of King Hamad provide ample enough reason to not go ahead with the race. However, this move by the FIA could also potentially be viewed as one that endorses the actions of Bahrain’s monarchy. Bahrain in it’s current state, is not suitable to host a Grand Prix. It must be hoped that the FIA consider the severity of the situation, re-assess closer to October and are not just pressured into the decision to reschedule out of a fear of losing money.

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Super-Size Your Mind


Jamie Oliver is yet again campaigning to improve our knowledge of the convenient food we consume on a daily basis. Not content enough on ruining school menus in the United Kingdom his latest target are kids in Los Angeles who are exposed to high fat, high calorie school meals and the proliferation of fast-food chain restaurants. Jamie’s mission to alter the menus in schools and restaurants however undermines the patrons and students freedom of choice and is completely unfair to those who can eat the so called ‘fast’ food sensibly and in moderation.

Oliver, on this occasion, particularly focused on one independent restaurant owner who served food that Oliver did not approve of.  In an effort to persuade him to try and adopt a healthier, yet more expensive menu, Oliver deployed a young overweight teen to tell the story of how her parents had died of diabetes as a result of eating this unhealthy food; her ten year old sister was also suffering from the condition. Tears streaming, she begged and pleaded to the restaurant owner to change his menu. Diabetes is a terrible disease and one cannot help but feel sorry for this young girl whose family has been so affected by it, but ultimately, eating too much of the wrong types of food and subsequent obesity is not the fault of the companies that sell and market the food. Obesity comes as a result of an insatiable appetite not because there are restaurants that serve “fatty” food. What has happened to choice and freewill? Are people so enticed by the colourful menus and clever marketing of these fast-food chains that they cannot resist the pull and temptation of  another “cheese-covered” product of some variety? Business is business, if a restaurant owner creates money by selling high calorie food at a good return then you cannot expect them to change their menu because someone has not controlled their diet and become ill. Restaurant owners are not responsible for ramming food down your gullet or preventing you from exercising. Irresponsible parents should be lectured and educated, not the business owners, who are able to make a  fat profit out of their fat customers.

With talks about duty on alcohol being raised in an attempt to combat binge drinking, under-age drinking and alcohol abuse, how long is it before they are being raised on food that is over a certain calorie limit? Those that enjoy food sensibly could potentially be punished for those that cannot cope with the complex ritual that is undertaking regular exercise and putting down the pie. Raising duties in this manner is fundamentally wrong and punishes many who aren’t responsible for problems such as alcoholism and obesity.

The fast-food world was recently rocked by the news that Ronald McDonald could go the way of Cheryl Cole and receive the axe as he symbolises the consumption of McDonalds’ fast-food products. Again, why should the company have to part with the world-famous clown because irresponsible parents cannot prevent their kids from becoming obese and suffering from related health issues? Concerns about the clown are completely misplaced; he is certainly a creepy symbol, yet he remains somewhat of an institution in the industry. Priorities are quite obviously distorted in this modern age anyway; as Ronald the clown is tossed off the McDonalds’ bandwagon, the Hamburgler still remains at large.

People become obese because they overeat, this is not the fault of the restaurant owners. Symbols and marketing don’t equate to widening waistlines. People, regardless of their size, as far as I am aware, operate under a certain level of freewill; if they wish to prevent conditions such as Diabetes, they don’t have to visit McDonalds. It needs to be understood that eating at these establishments is a matter of choice, menu’s shouldn’t have to change because some people cannot control their appetite. A super-sizing of minds is most definitely needed in the space of removing the super-size meals.

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The O’Bama’s


‘Obama’s Visit May Have Been Worth $200 Million to Ireland’

According to TIME magazine, ‘Obama’s Visit May Have Been Worth $200 Million to Ireland’. Now I knew Ireland, especially Dublin, made London look cheap but that’s incredible; that is one fucking expensive pint of Guinness. Luckily for the Queen, Gin doesn’t quite fetch the same price over there. My immediate thought was that it was a well-deserved pint after the clinical success of the mission that saw the end of the Al Qaeda figurehead, Osama Bin Laden in early March and especially as he was generating a massive amount of revenue for a struggling Euro nation. However, Obama may get incredibly drunk in sampling the various European beers in order to rescue the rest of the Euro-zone. Although I’ve heard Sagres and Fix aren’t a patch on Vitamin G(uinness).

Obama’s Cadillac is nicknamed, “The Beast” it is bomb-proof, bullet-proof and probably the most protected vehicle in existence. Yet it was single-handedly defeated by… a ramp.  Forget suicide bombers, Ireland may well have inadvertently demonstrated to global terrorism, the cheapest and easiest way yet of stopping America; if one ramp can stop, “The Beast”, a series of strategically deployed ramps could ground the whole of the U.S. to a halt.

Now Obama has ditched the apostrophe and traveled to London to visit the Queen and the Cameron’s. However this was Michelle’s turn to help out. She delivered a motivational speech to a group of public school girls, about how she had, had a similar upbringing and education yet still made it big. Girls everywhere can now find comfort in the fact that they too, can make it big, as long as they all marry the future president of the United States.

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A Week From Hell – Dominique Strauss-Kahn



'I knew I should have listened to Ken'

“I Knew I Should Have Listened to Ken”

Former IMF director, Dominique Strauss-Kahn  has been accused of sexually assaulting a hotel maid in Manhattan (as far as I’m aware it wasn’t Jennifer Lopez). Unfortunately for him, this was not in Italy where leader, Silvio Berlusconi has a slightly warped perception of the crime. Mr. Berlusconi who has faced rape charges himself believes the criminal act  is down to the fact that there are “pretty girls” out there, if they’re not already a member of his cabinet. Recent updates suggest that the maid was in fact an HIV sufferer and to top it all off Strauss-Kahn is under house arrest in a luxury New York building.

According to Justice Secretary, Kenneth Clarke, this week, some forms of rape are worse than others (for full details on this system please visit http://www.baddmind.com). Due to the nature of his crime, Strauss-Kahn must be immensely regretful, knowing that if he had listened to Mr. Clarke, he would have just date-raped her. Poor Bastard.

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