What to do with the August Rioters

I think the most pressing question concerning the recent riots that shocked Britain is what on earth did the Woolwich Wilkinsons or Wetherspoons do to the hoody clad thugs and looters? Burning the only places in which they can afford to shop and socialise on their dole cheque seems to be somewhat of a counterproductive measure; productivity however is clearly not a strongpoint of any partaker. Although it was suggested that the riots began because of the death of a drug dealer, many soon jumped on the destructive bandwagon over their lack of career options and rising levels of unemployment. I call it unemployability; smashing, destroying, burning and looting local businesses will not help them find a job and has done no favours to their already lacking CV.

So what to do with those found guilty? Now, I’m not suggesting Cameron should take the approach of Bashar al-Assad, although I did meet a man on a train from Manchester Airport who suggested shooting them all; a bit too ‘Arab Spring’ I reckon. Perhaps a Stalinist approach is on the cards; rioters disappearing from their beds at night only to be found years later working in the flailing manufacturing sector, all for looting a Krispy Kreme doughnut. In all honesty that would solve their employment woes. Some would argue that the best remedy for all involved would be to hand those convicted of rioting a dustpan and brush and telling them to sort out the mess they created. But they’d only do a half-arsed job; one thing I probably share with the rioters would be a less than enthusiastic approach to spring cleaning (perhaps it could yet be known as the British Spring).

Some rioters are receiving sentences that don’t appear to match their level of participation. But starting a Facebook page encouraging others to join them in smashing up their local town, even if it never happens, is quite simply a crime of stupidity. It’s like running through Heathrow airport recruiting people for your jihad.

The riots were an excuse for a bunch of hooligans to go nuts for a couple of days, maybe find themselves some new toys at a much discounted price. It brought the pyromaniacs and thieves of our society together in a big, uneducated and embarrassing mess. A tough stance seems to be being taken over the punishment of those involved, which will hopefully prevent any further trouble. The true consequences of these riots are yet to be seen however, so I shall keenly follow every update the news has to offer on my new flat screen TV. Just kidding.


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