The Queen’s Honour List

Topping the Queen’s honour list today was Bruce Forsyth who will receive a knighthood from her majesty. I can only assume it was for his resilience in refusing to retire from our television screens in a career spanning roughly 70 years. I wonder if his jokes were ever funny? His most recent activity is his job hosting the hit BBC show Strictly Come Dancing, if that had anything to do with Queenie’s decision then co-host Tess Daly should also receive some recognition too, for the ability to laugh at the old man, albeit through gritted teeth. “It’s nice to see you… to see you nice”; he calls it a catchphrase, I call it a lack of originality, and an inability to produce new material. It’s one dimensional to say the least; imagine if hit comedian Michael McIntyre danced around the stage camply at every gig. Oh wait…

Andrew Strauss and Allistair Cook were also awarded with an MBE and a OBE respectively, for their part in the victorious Ashes campaign down under. But let’s be honest who needs such awards when you have a small urn filled with old, burnt wood. Thanks… but no thanks your majesty. Ricky Ponting should get one for captaining the Australia side so terribly, and picking Ben Hilfenhaus and Xavier Doherty when he was under pressure to win.

Among the non-famous receivers are,‘Beverley De-Gale, who set up a charity to attract bone marrow donors from ethnic minorities after her son developed leukaemia. She is appointed an OBE…[and]Ex-soldier David Stuttard, 65, set up an organisation that has improved water sanitation in parts of Ghana and given 50,000 people access to clean water. He becomes an MBE.’ And a dinner lady, who has been recognized for her services  to lunch-time supervision after a 30 year career at the same school. Wow. I can’t quite comprehend how that is MBE worthy; a 5 days a week, 1 hour a day job. In a 40 week school year she has worked a grand total of 200 hours, and in her 30 year career, 6000 hours. If you compare it to a 5 days a week, 7 hours a day job with say, 5 weeks holiday a year, which takes up 1645 hours a year, and over a 30 year period,  49,350 hours. She has had a sweet deal. ‘I’ve worked more times than you’ve had hot dinners’… actually, probably not.

Robert Mugabe received a knighthood in 1994, but don’t worry, Gaddafi’s name is not featured on 2011’s list. Although the current list doesn’t show any signs of decorating any future maniacal dictators (or present for that matter) you simply don’t know. There’s still life in Sir Bruce yet.

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