Giggs issues new super-injunction preventing news of Champions League defeat being published


Ryan Giggs has now come to the realization that he is not James Bond. Bond never said, “I Do”.

Although this headline may not be true; like the Imogen Thomas affair, it seems ridiculous to prevent the public knowing about a note-worthy achievement any man (footballer) would be proud of. Like United, who were defenceless to stop the elegant, yet potent onslaught at the feet of the Catalan giants, Giggs could do nothing to stop the relentless onslaught of virtual chirping at the fingertips of over 75,000 Twitter users revealing the information a court-passed super-injunction had aimed to prevent from going public. Super-injunctions are an encroachment on the right to freedom of speech, according to journalists (with the exception of Andrew Marr who’s show should be renamed, “The Andrew Marr(ed reputation owing to his gagging order) Show”). Yet to adulterers, lotharios and all-round scoundrels they are an essential organ, an extension of their deceitful being, allowing them to continue their roguish lifestyle.

Giggs was quite adamant that he wanted the details of the 75,000 tweeters passed onto the authorities, so that they could be brought to justice for breaching a court-order. Giggs’ grasp on the judicial, legal and incarceration system appear to parallel his grasp on marriage vows and oaths… But is this not what we have come to expect from this generation of footballers? They all earn too much money and are constantly in the media for partaking in scandalous activities. But Ryan Giggs, really? Isn’t he the reliable, committed, yoga-loving United legend? He is the Elizabeth I of football; married and devoted to United as Elizabeth was to England. His commitment to his club is quite extraordinary… to his wife not so much. Although, it may be expecting too much of a footballer to concentrate his focus and efforts on two things at once.

From the dark horse at the ‘BBC Sports Personality of the Year Awards 2009’ where he shockingly beat Jenson Button, to the dark horse in the ‘Manchester United’s Most Heavily Publicized and Scandalous Extra-Marital Affair Award’ narrowly beating Wayne Rooney, who still managed to bag both the, ‘Most Likely To Swear Into A Camera And Set A Bad Example To Your Kids Award’ and ‘Scorer Of The Most Over-Hyped Over-Head Kick In History Award’.

All this proves, is that football is taken far too seriously; it’s not an ambassador to how people should act or behave. Footballer’s shouldn’t have to be role-models, they play football because they enjoy it (if their pay-check hasn’t yet reached an audacious sum). Yet at the same time, they shouldn’t moan when the over-sensitive British public take offence. Perhaps they should revert the sport back to the amateur level. It won’t be long until Giggs will be too old to cut it at Manchester United, then he could do a Lineker and travel to play in Asia; clubs in North Korea would jump at the chance to welcome an ex-Manchester United star and luckily for Giggs there are also plenty of jobs going in the censorship and the more general, ‘Prevention of Personal Freedom’  (especially Freedom of Speech) industry. Sorted.

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